One of the reoccurring emails I get from girls is titled something like “Marriage Advice” in which a girl will spill a bunch of details about her and her boyfriend (or fiance) and ask me if they think it’s a relationship that will end up being a good marriage. I have to laugh a little bit because the truth is, I can’t tell anybody what to do, I’ve only been married for a little over 1 year, and as much as I want to give good advice, hearing one side of the story through an email probably doesn’t give me enough to wisely advise or affirm any decision. With that being said, I will say that if you’re having major doubts or concerns, I think you already know the answer.
Marriage shouldn’t be taken lightly, but it also shouldn’t be feared. That’s what I’m going to shed a little bit of light on today.
Marriage isn’t the ball and chain so many people joke about.
In fact, I’ve found my marriage with E to be quite the opposite: Empowering, not withholding. Never restraining or restricting, but freeing and firm in our secure bond.
Last night we attended a gathering in our community. If you’re local to South Bend, IN you should totally check this out and join us at the next gathering!
E and I could be found, at times, hand-in-hand chatting with friends, but mostly diving into conversation with strangers on our own. We handle ourselves in social settings and aren’t dependent upon one another. We are a team, but we choose not to be attached at the hip. We have a mutual understanding of boundaries and aim to live above reproach. All of that being said, we don’t believe we have to engage in every conversation together or spend every minute together.
I’m not sharing this to say, “Look at us! We’ve got it figured out!” Because we don’t have it all figured out and because what works for us may not work for everyone else.
I share this because on the car ride home late last night I thought to myself, Man that was so fun exchanging stories and getting to know people with entirely different perspectives on life than me. I’m really grateful I got to chat with Liz about Daniel. She was really cool! I loved how Ryan and I got to talk about marriage. I’m so thankful E and I have each other. Hearing Becky talk about her husband of thirty years infuses me with wisdom for whatever lies ahead for us!
You see, I wouldn’t have been able to connect with those people or brag about my husband behind his back (one of my favorite ways to love on him 🙂 ) if we were solely focused on each other throughout the evening. It’s great being married to someone who equally enjoys conversing with others and branching out.
Because marriage has been such a tremendous blessing to me, I’m saddened by the fact that so many millennials are afraid of this type of commitment.
I don’t know if they’re scared that by getting married they’ll be “tied down” and all of their dreams will go up in flames, but I’ve found that to be entirely false!
In fact, my dreams are being propelled because I have a partner who pushes me, believes in me, and prays with me.
Don’t marry someone just because you’re “in love” with them. You could love many different people. Remember, there are over 7 billion people in this world. Rather, prayerfully consider the following before you get down on one knee, or say yes to the dress, or vow “I do” forever…
- Do they make you a better person?
- Are they selfless or selfish?
- Do they share the same life goals and vision as you?
- Are they humble or haughty?
- Do they hold you accountable?
- Are they grace-giving or grudge-holding?
- Do they share the same core beliefs with you?
- Can you do more to further the kingdom of God WITH this person than on your own?
You will have to compromise within your marriage, but you should never compromise on who you’re marrying.
Don’t settle. Be picky! And when you find your person, commit and choose them every single day. It’s not a burden, it’s a blessing.