I met Kristin at my darling friend Rachel’s bachelorette party in Florida. She was strikingly beautiful, outgoing, funny, and, the more I got to chat with her, I recognized a deep kindness and spirit of empathy within her. I told Rach, “Your soon-to-be sister-in-law rocks!” (In fact, all of her sister-in-law’s are so beautiful, inside and out.) The way Kristin carried herself inspired me. Something about her was warm and inviting. Being a few steps ahead of me in life (married with children), yet also having similar interests and values, I stayed in touch with her intentionally. I couldn’t shake this feeling that there was something I was supposed to learn from her. I have no doubt that was a prompting by the Spirit because I am continually encouraged by her faith. 🙂
Today she is taking over the blog to share a piece of her story to encourage us all…
Infertility. It’s one of those taboo words. There are so many different opinions and thoughts on the topic. It’s rarely a topic of discussion, but when it is, it’s one that can unite women in a way that is completely unexpected. I remember when my husband and I were struggling to get pregnant. Thoughts ran through my head. What if we can’t get pregnant? What if I’m infertile? Thinking about it made me sick. Sick because it meant that there could be something wrong with me. Was I damaged? Did I deserve this because of past sins? Was God punishing me? My head was flooded with questions when we went to the doctor and found out that I had most likely never ovulated in my entire life. How could something so natural, not go naturally? I felt depleted. Deflated. Insecure.
What would people think? What were we going to tell them? All of my worries and anxieties were focused on factors that I couldn’t control. People. The human race. Sinners – to put it bluntly. I, too, am a sinner, prone to judgement. Even though I hate it and I try not to, I definitely find myself judging others, so I began to fret over how other people might judge us.
Many people, even friends, told me that accepting infertility treatments was against God’s plan; that it was not biblical to conceive in that way or that it wasn’t Gods will being done. But I believe God gave us the gift of resources and that He’s infused doctor’s with knowledge and medicine advancements. Unfortunately, I endured a lot of shame in the choice to go through infertility treatments, but my husband was always there by my side, praying with me as we did what we believed was best.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the last seven years of marriage, especially going through infertility, it’s that you can’t control others thoughts or reactions. The only thing you can do is trust in The Lord and go with your intuition of following His will for your life. Maybe you needed to hear that today. It took over a year for me to fully realize this. Infertility did not mean that we had done something wrong or were going against God’s will. It did, however, give Him an opportunity to use our struggle, and ultimately detour us, to bring us closer and more dependent on Him!
While going through all of the appointments, listening to doctors share what was wrong with me and the avenues in which we would need to take in order to have our own baby, God drew me into himself. He taught me how to pray. Not to just ask for things, but to lay at His feet and give everything to Him. I began to realize this was a win-win situation. Any outcome would be beautiful, no matter what, because we are all adopted into the family of Christ.
Getting over the “woe me” moments, I truly learned how to lean on God and trust His ways. My husband and I created the family verse of the stage of life we were in, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11. God never meant for that season to hurt or deplete us. He intended to grow us and push us….closer to Him!
I’ll never say it was easy to go through. Oh, no. I cried. I whined. I begged for prayer from others. I worried. I suffered. I thought the worst. But GOD. He made our story so beautiful in the end! His work is never finished. Here I am, writing this, with my three beautiful babies sleeping quietly in their beds. Five years ago I didn’t know if I could bear a child and now I have three littles that were given to me by Christ, to raise them to know Him! To give Him all the glory; not myself. Our infertility story is no longer sad and pain-filled. It’s an amazing love story about how God used two young married kids to grow closer to Him and trust His amazing plan for their lives.
The aftermath has been the most beautiful part of it all. Not because I have my beautiful babies (although clearly that is the most incredible gift I will cherish forever), but the women I’ve met, talked with, cried with, and celebrated with throughout their own unique journey to motherhood. I’m no longer scared of the word infertility. It’s nothing to be ashamed of anymore.
“My brokenness is a better bridge for people than my pretend wholeness ever was.” – Shelia Walsh
I have met so many other wives and mothers who’ve let down their walls and because of it, we are bonded. Bonded because God used us in ways we didn’t even imagine! He tied us together through our pain and victories. When we let down our walls and cast aside our anxieties, God provides room for beautiful relationships to grow. Isn’t that so amazing? A story that I thought would end with my daughters birth has only grown into more of a love story than I could have truly imagined! My daughter, new friends, old re-kindled friendships! God knows. He knows what we are going through, where we are going, and what will happen. Trust in Him. Give all your worries to Him. Because He will work. He will move mountains. He will draw you closer to Himself. When we surrender the ugliest parts of ourselves to an incredible Savior, He shows us beauty in the ugliness, light in the darkness, and comfort in the pain!
If you are currently struggling, I want you to get this: you are not alone. God has something beautiful ahead for you!
God has written a beautiful story on the path to conceiving our daughter, who is now 3 1/2 years old! It’s a messy story, not shy of brokenness or tears, but it’s one of complete dependency on Christ and His direction. I’ll never forget the night I lost it; crying uncontrollably and releasing all control over to Him.
I pray God would speak to you. The reality is that infertility has or will affect someone you know. I pray God gives you peace amidst your own struggles and a heart to encourage others as they walk through theirs, too. Most of all I hope you believe that the God we serve does nothing to harm you. He is a good, good Father. He wants nothing more than to see you flourish and then tell the whole world why…Him.
Much love & many thanks, Kristin Rohrman