You know what? E really pissed me off the other day.
I had just come home from a weekend away at my friend’s bachelorette party only to discover something he’d done that made me so angry. I mean seeing red, fumes coming out of my ears, curse words coming out of my mouth, angry.
He was minutes behind me coming home from watching an early Liverpool game at his brother’s house. We’d been texting all weekend long about how we couldn’t wait to see each other again and how two days apart is just too much; but suddenly all of that went out the window for me when I realized something that made me so upset with him.
I was boiling over the incident and began to think of how I was going to approach him when he walked through the door. I was thinking all kinds of things like, “I’ll just ignore him until he confesses what he’s done…no, maybe I should just be sitting on the couch and give him the scary ‘we need to talk’ phrase and that will give him a wake up call…”
Now, before I go any further, I want you to know I’m not going to tell you what E did wrong because that’s not the point of my post. Plus, husbands and wives shouldn’t air out their dirty laundry or talk poorly about the other.
Luckily, he wasn’t home right when he said he’d be which gave Jesus an extra 20 minutes to work in my heart.
I was pacing in the living room brewing up a plan to make sure he learned his lesson when suddenly I began to learn one of my own.
I began to hear the Spirit speak to me, “Amanda, you’ve approached things like this before and it never goes well. Imagine if you simply forgave him and showed him grace. You love him so deeply. And he loves you enormously. He’s your husband; a human who sins like everyone else. Cut him some slack. Isn’t that the type of grace you want others to give you?”
I went into our bedroom and picked up my Prayers For My Husband cards and read through them aloud. My heart softened. I began crying (yeah, I cry a lot these days). I picked up my journal lying right next to the cards and read an entry from just a few weeks ago that reminded me of just how incredible the man that I married is.
A rush of love and grace came over me.
A new course of action came to my mind.
I was going to greet him respectfully with a hug and a kiss. Sit down next to him and express my feelings and concerns openly, but calmly. I was going to exude gentleness.
As one of my favorite mantra’s goes, “she believed she could, so she did.” And even better, “when she believed she couldn’t, He did.” 😉 I made up my mind thanks to a nudge from the Holy Spirit and tried the less natural route…
Now, the conversation still wasn’t ideal or fun. We discussed and problem solved and it took us over an hour, but by golly we did it without a single raised voice or unnecessary commentary! The way it all played out and how it wrapped up was polar opposite from other times when I’ve been rash, harsh, and anything but gentle.
We both ended up in tears, clinging to each other. Both saying “I love you” and “I forgive you.” Both of us feeling good again. Not for a second did I wish to “get even.” I was so proud of us for the way we handled ourselves. I didn’t need a long time of processing or reflection in order to see just how far I’d come.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned quickly it’s that marriage can be super messy. And marriage needs grace like a plant needs water to survive.
My heart beamed with pride as I felt God whispering, “Well done, my faithful daughter. Well done.”